Fiction by Lorraine

icon by sukibluefiction

Xander opened his eyes. He was in his apartment, shirtless and tucked into bed. Spike was sitting on his own bed, watching Xander intently. The vampire had apparently been keeping vigil for some time; the floor was covered in cigarette butts.

“How d’you feel?” Spike asked.

“Like I let you convince me to play quarters again. Other than that, pretty okay, considering I’m not dead. Why am I not dead?” Xander sat up and examined his right side. Someone had bandaged a spot just below his ribcage.

“Willow healed you. Mostly, anyways. Red was too knackered after all that mojo to do a proper job of it.”

“Where is everybody? Are they all okay?” Xander asked anxiously.

“Yeah. Whole lot’s fine. Red’s at the Watcher’s recuperating. It was almost bloody impossible to get Rupert to leave you here with me. Should’ve seen his face when I called it our room.” Xander smiled, pleased that Spike felt the same way about their living arrangements. “Dawn and Buffy are at school. They should be home soon.”

“How long was I out?” Xander asked. He felt his side gingerly, but was relieved that the wound yielded little more than a small twinge of pain.

“Better part of a day. You missed “Passions” and everything.” Spike sat on the bed beside him. “Xander, you came this close to dying. If I’d been just five seconds faster, none of this woulda happened. But that’s what I do. Get there too late.” Xander thought he saw tears in Spike’s eyes. “I could feel you dying in my arms—your heartbeat slowing, your body growing cold. Knew I couldn’t turn you. Didn’t want to. Rather see you dead than . . .”

Xander interrupted him. “Spike, you did the right thing. You protected Willow so she could close the Hellmouth. Saving the world much more important than saving Xander. And anyway, I didn’t die.”

“No thanks to me,” Spike said bitterly. “I thought I’d never get a chance to tell you how I feel. I would’ve last night in the cemetery, but the apocalypse bollixed that up. I wanted to tell you for so long, but I was afraid. Don’t have such a good track record, ya know. Love’s bitch and all.”

“I think the near death experience has affected my hearing. What are you saying?” Xander asked.

“Are you daft, pet? I’m trying to tell you I love you, and you’re bloody screwing it up!” Spike stood up agitatedly and paced to the other side of the room.

“You love me?” Xander repeated, stupidly. I can’t believe what Spike’s saying. He must’ve hit his head. Or maybe he’s possessed with the spirit of a mummy/mantis or some other Xander-is-so-irresistible-I-must-seduce-him-and-then-
use-his-body-as-a-catalyst-for-Armageddon demon. His amazement must have shown on his face because Spike laughed.

“Why’s it so hard to believe, Xander? You’re loyal, brave, funny, and your heart is too big for your own good. You may not have superpowers, but you’re the glue what keeps the Scoobies together.” Spike paused, then continued more seriously. “You took care of me, Xander; made me not broken. Ya know, you’re the only fucking person on this sodding planet that ever told me my soul is amazing. Why d’you think I stayed here, all this time, sleeping in the same room with you, no less? Why d’you think I spend every bleeding minute in this flat? Even pretend to like that godawful “Super Milk Chan” just to sit beside you on the sofa?” Xander still didn’t speak. His brain just couldn’t process the information that Spike loved him back.

“But you love Buffy—with that Bryan Adams, ends-of-the-earth, As-You-Wish, play-it-again-Sam, oh-God-I-watch-too-much-TV kinda love.”

“Yeah, I do love Buffy. In the way a bloke loves a dream that mighta been, or the ghost of some happiness past. But, the Slayer’s all wrong for me; we’re wrong for each other. She wouldn’t stand in the darkness with me, and she wouldn’t drag me into her light, weak as it was. You, Xander Harris, shine brightly enough for the both of us.”

Xander’s jaw dropped. I can’t be sure because of the not reading, but I think Spike is spouting poetry at me. Verdict’s in. Definitely possessed, he thought. But then he looked more closely at the vampire. Spike seemed vulnerable, open; his hands were white-knuckled, clutching the edge of the bed. I want this so much, he thought. Please don’t let it be a cosmic joke.

Spike stopped pacing and crossed the room to stand in front of Xander. He leaned down toward the younger man. “If you still can’t believe me,” the vampire said, “believe this.” Spike sat back down on the bed and pulled Xander to him. Xander closed his eyes as Spike slowly drew his tongue across the younger man’s bottom lip. Xander shivered and opened his mouth as Spike deepened the kiss. Xander tangled his fingers in the curls at the nape of Spike’s neck and pressed his body closer.

Spike left his mouth to trail wet kisses along Xander’s jaw and down the side of his tanned neck. He moaned in the back of his throat when Spike gently bit him there. “I love you, too, Spike,” he said raggedly. Xander lifted the bottom of Spike’s shirt and tugged it impatiently over the vampire’s head. Spike’s chest was cool against his own bare flesh. Xander’s mind raced—I’ve never done this before. I mean, I’ve thought about it a lot since the naked-Spike-in-the-shower incident, and this should be weird, but it’s not. It’s Spike, and he loves me. Xander began slowly outlining the contours of Spike’s chest with his tongue, flicking one pink nipple into a hard bead and worrying it with his teeth.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the enthusiasm, love, but somebody’ll be coming to check on you soon.”

Xander ran his hands down Spike’s flat stomach, feeling the muscles tense under his palms. He leaned close and whispered in Spike’s ear, “So—we’ll lock the door.”

“I’m trying to be the voice of reason here, Xander.” Spike’s voice caught as the younger man slid his hands teasingly under the waistband of his jeans. The vampire groaned, but stopped Xander from pushing him down on the bed. “I wanna do this right, pet. Not watching the clock or praying against interruptions.” Spike leaned down again to capture Xander’s lips in a kiss. Oh, wow. Always pegged Spike for a wham-bam-thankyou-ma’am . . .er . . . sir kinda guy, but he’s being so tender. And logical.

“Alright, I can live with waiting. As long as it’s not too long. I feel like we’ve done too much waiting already.”

“Agreed, love.” Spike grabbed his shirt from the bed and started to dress himself, but froze when he saw Giles and Willow standing in the doorway.

“Oh, right,” Xander said. “Shoot down my locking the door idea, and see where that gets us.”

Part Seven