Five Things That Never Happened to Willow Rosenberg

Pairings: Willow/Xander, Willow/Spike, Willow/Oz, Willow/Tara
Rating: R for language

One

He leans in closer to where she sits on the low wall. His lips are almost touching hers now. She can feel his breath on her face, warm and damp in the slight chill. She hears a noise behind her in the graveyard. They both look, afraid, but for once, it's nothing. Just an old dog nosing the bouquets, turning over vases and dragging away bits of ribbon.

He touches her cheek softly, turns her to him, and then they're kissing. It starts sweet and slow, but she makes it desperate because she doesn't know if this is all she'll ever get. This one kiss with her fingers tangled in his dark hair, her thighs pressing into his hips.

He breaks the kiss, and his absence aches like a stone bruise, some secret hurt that no one else can see.

"Xander . . . " she begins. But he puts his mouth on hers again, stealing her breath and her words.

Two

"Just fix the fucking thing, alright? It's her voice and her face, but it's not her. Can't take it anymore, Red. Seeing that thing, knowing it's not her . . . "

Willow cut the power to the Buffy-Bot and watched as her friend's likeness went slack, its hands hanging loosely at its sides, its eyes closed and its posture slumped. She made a gesture of helplessness. "I know this is hard, but what else can we do?"

"You know what this feels like, do you?" Spike asked bitterly.

Willow stood. "Yes! I do. I loved her, too, dammit! You think I like it when some machine hugs me with those stiff arms and says, 'You're Willow. My friend. And recently gay' ?" Willow stepped closer to Spike, her voice increasing in volume. "At least you have something. You can look at the Bot and pretend for whole minutes at a time that she's still alive. But Tara's dead, and I have nothing."

Willow started to cry then, hot tears that she wiped away angrily with the back of her hand. Spike's eyes softened, and he pulled her into a hug. He wrapped his duster around them, cocooning her in leather and the faint bite of liquor. Then Spike cried, too, his tears running down the sharp angles of his face and soaking into her hair.

Three

She sat across from him in the van, breathing in its stale smoke and hint of patchouli. Oz's hands were tense on the steering wheel, his knuckles white as they gripped the cracked plastic.

"You have to understand, Oz. You were gone. I didn't know if you were ever coming back. You didn't expect me to just wait, did you?"

He looked at her sideways, composing his response in the silence she once found so comforting. "I guess maybe I did."

Willow reached out to tentatively touch his arm. "Part of me was waiting. Part of me will always be waiting for you."

And then she kissed him, the briefest touch of her lips on his. "Stay," she said.

Four

"Pretty sparkles. So shiny. The red witch eats sparkles for breakfast in the tea room." Tara giggled and picked at the bandage on her forearm.

Willow tried to keep her fingernails short, but sometimes Tara wouldn't cooperate. Willow would turn her head, only for a moment, or close her eyes, for just a minute dammit--and in that brief instance, Tara would claw at her skin, scoring deep lines into her own flesh. Willow didn't know why. This was just something Tara did.

Like sweet kisses that turned into violent bites or her unremitting demands for "the swirly good." Willow didn't know what the swirly good was or how to find it for her.

She certainly didn't know what to do when Tara turned to Dawn and said solemnly, "Golden bird, flying. Pretty blood all smashed. Your fault, you know."

Five

"What do you mean move on, Buffy? I'm not exactly Miss Popularity here. It's not like I'm beating guys off with a stick. Really, who's available? Next thing, you'll be saying Spike and I should fall in love."

Spike smiled at Willow and strained against the ropes that tied him to Giles' kitchen chair. "You know, I do love you, pet. Ever since I kidnapped you and locked you up in that warehouse. You were so brave. Should've told you then how special you are."

Willow began to loosen Spike's restraints. "Oh, Spike. I love you, too. I can't believe you feel the same way. We should totally get married." Willow climbed into Spike's lap, and he embraced her. Their passionate kiss finally broke Buffy from her stupor.

"Willow, what the hell are you doing?! You . . . Spike . . . lips. Lips of Spike!!"

Willow continued kissing Spike, oblivious to Buffy's horror. She pulled back from Spike to squeal, "Oh, oh! I know. Xander got ordained online last week as a joke. He can marry us!"